Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
