I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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