omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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