Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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