would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
