His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
