So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
