DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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