benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
