Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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