Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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