everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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