Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
