On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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