do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
