Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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