u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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