Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
