I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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