She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Shame - the story of my life.
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