Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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