you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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