My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
