Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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