I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
