Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
ok first of all what the fuck
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
