It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
