Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
