Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
