Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
