I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
