I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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