she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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