This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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