i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
