im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
