She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
