I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just found puke in my bra..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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