look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
