I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
