Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
