Me too!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
