Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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