lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Randomize