I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
