people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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