babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
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