Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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