never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
