When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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