i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just invented taco cereal.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
