I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
