I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
