Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
