Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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