I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
