you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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