at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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