At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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