Don't you send me to vm
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
