note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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