So drunk its hurt
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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