found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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