he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
