If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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