I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
