Umm I'm too high to move.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
