Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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