waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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