i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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