..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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