..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
