Nicole vs. Life
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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