i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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