My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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