There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
