I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Never underestimate the power of titties
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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