Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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